Friday, March 03, 2006

Toorak Baby Murder Shocks Residents

From The Melbourne Hun Monday, January 5, 1891:

Toorak resident George Cameron was shocked when he found the body of a young infant in St George's Road yesterday.

"I was shocked." he told The Hun, "I saw this bit of old black rag by the side of the road and when I picked it up there was this sacking underneath and the baby was wrapped in that. Gave me anasty turn, I can tell you."

Mr Cameron contacted the police and the body was taken to the Morgue. Sources have informed us that the baby was a 4 week old boy. His skull was fractured and there were bruises on his back and arms. "It's a good while since I've seen anything quite this nasty," said one Morgue employee, who declined to be named.

An inquest has been scheduled.

See how easy it is? Now come on people, I want some outraged editorials and opinion pieces to have a good giggle over by Sunday morning. Alright, Sunday evening at the latest.

4 comments:

Anna Bolt said...

A baby, who miraculously survived the dangers of the womb, was today found murdered.

Clearly we must stop the slippery slide down the muddy slope towards a rampantly liberal society that embraces witchcraft and homosexuality.

We must enact emergency laws now to stop the trend of parents leaving their babies in gutters to be brutally murdered - while "mum" and dad they are living it up, enjoying an orgy of sex, drugs and two full-time careers.

Justice in Victoria now wears a dress. And look where that has gotten us. It is time for decent people (like me) to take up pants and return our nation to civilised values, which do not include baby-murdering.

All living beings have a right to life. Except those who advocate and Australian Bill of Rights. They should be burned at the stake.

Where was I? Oh yeah...get back in the kitchen woman, before your baby gets killed.

Gummo Trotsky said...

Admirable piece Miss Bolt - I find your sentiments impeccably proper and worthy.

And ta very much. With all the crap that's going on further up the page, a light hearted comment is a welcome tonic.

Brownie said...

all living beings cerainly do have a right to life. not just any old 'existence' either.
I do wish 'Pro-Lifers' would adjust their dress.
Instead of adding to the turmoil of desperate women, the 'Pro-Lifers' should:
1.Cease assuming that they are the only ones who believe in Life.
2.Direct their energy to teaching ejaculators to be more Responsible.
3.Assist in every way, all impregnated women who have been financially abandoned by The Impregnator.
4.Cease to complain about those women receiving the Supporting Parent Benefit.
5.Distribute everywhere possible, mechanical contraceptives.
6. Educate the many vicious Defacto Stepfathers who regularly beatup the previous man's offspring (ref Daniel Valerio).
7. Research tyke-tossing

Anna Winter said...

I forgot to mention that

"Justice in Victoria now wears a dress."

is an actual Boltism.

http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,18305832%255E25717,00.html